So, I wrote a nice long post attempting to tie up this month and say a bunch of 'finishing' things and how it makes sense that I only wrote for maybe ten out of the 31 days because of all sorts of things going on, but really, my excuses are lame.
Instead of writing I do things like prepare for trips and go to my neighbor's house and I can't even think what I did the past couple days that kept me from writing.
Sometimes if you focus on a thing long enough you psych yourself out. I think some little kids do this with school and tests. I think that may have been why I stopped being a teacher, I couldn't take the pressure they put on themselves. Just kidding, but really, I can't stand all the testing.
All right, back to the point. Psyching yourself out. Telling yourself you've got to do this thing like writing for 31 days on finishing something and then you barely write anything and spread it out over the month so it looks like you wrote a lot (fooled you).
I am wearing a shirt right now in my house that says "don't hate cuz you aint." What does that tell you about how serious I am about finishing this series?!
I don't even take myself seriously when I wear this shirt.
I found it after it had been buried in the laundry for several months. But it's one of my favorite t-shirts. I think it would be a good conversation starter. Maybe something to spur a Halloween costume if I cared about Halloween costumes. I can never think of anything interesting -- it's a thing. My friend and I usually go in on a theme together, just because it's fun that way. One year we played each other as character's, I wore her clothes, she wore mine (no we are not in middle school). Apparently, I have no distinct dress because no one thought she was even dressing up. I on the other hand looked all Bohemian and such with my look.
Friends, it's really easy for me to sit here and talk about things like Halloween costumes and what else is going on in my head, but who knows if that is at all interesting to you. I had a lot of serious things I wanted to write about but I decided to skip it for the moment (I'll send you the cliff notes).
So much of my life is serious. Job is often serious. Relationships can make me serious. I realize that writing is a space I find where the first 30 minutes of what I write -- and maybe don't feel like publishing -- is oober serious. Then, once I scratch the surface, beyond that point lies some humor or fun I've been missing. I wonder if that's backwards from how it is for other people. Maybe because I'm used to the seriousness of life from work or whatever, it comes out more easily, and I have to wait a little, wait a little more, and yes. There it is. The humor. That's what I've been looking to find.
I like to see where there's possibility and I'm more prone to seeing the good because I've understood the hurt and the pain. Maybe that's backwards. But I am SURE there must be good just around the bend. There has to be. It's not Pollyanna living, but I want to see the hopeful elements of life. The fact that if things are hard or things are bright, there is hope.
Humor helps me do that. It helps me look at the realities of life which are pushing their way to the surface, and say, despite the fact that you didn't write much this month and life is hectic and you're leaving tomorrow and yep, this series is STILL unfinished, like most everything else, it's okay. That probably drives your readers nuts and also you sometimes, but that's what's real. There's just no way to make it sound better.
I get tired of trying to make things that just aren't sound better.
I visited with one of my close friends in North Carolina today who has had an illness this year and it's not through yet even though we believe it will be soon. We can't make it sound better than it is.
There are things that are unfinished that do sound better.
I get to go to a conference tomorrow in the Windy City and instead of sleeping or finishing packing now I am writing this to at least somewhat finish this series.
Things are always unfinished with my plans and what I 'think' is going to happen but this conference, a little bitty dream I had a few years ago that is coming true is a reminder that things have their own timetable and God always knows.
When life moves quickly, and I think 31 days will help me finish something once and for all, I'm probably kidding myself. The best I can do is lay out what I have to give and receive what others have to offer. To remember this journey is a good one and perhaps the gifts God gave us, the ones I so often take for granted are the best things going right now. My friends who never give up on me, somehow. Family who does the same. Great coworkers and a job full of kids to care about. Laughter and funny shirts and skits about Halloween (this is too wonderful; you are welcome).
I might get on my own nerves just a little but perhaps God writes my story in an unfinished way because He knows if things were entirely neat and finished and sorted, I wouldn't have reason to trust Him.
I DO need to keep writing and this month has gotten me more in gear for that, praise the Lord.
But these other things, they take time. See you next year? :)
Check out all -- I know there's so many -- posts from this year over here.
Thanks for the love, friends. You're the best.