Monday, December 2, 2013

The Way Waay Back

Finally. I watched The Way, Way Back. Not to be confused with The Way Back. It's a lovely, funny movie. I recommended it before I watched it. Which makes sense. I know what I like. I don't watch a lot of movies. But I like the complicated-real, the coming-of-age, the twists and turns and the 'I-am-not-sure-how-this-is-going-to-end-up,' said my dad, who liked it, too. Turns out, Jerry Seinfeld, who says there is no such thing as fun for the whole family, is wrong. Apparently, it's fun for the whole family to watch people go through intensity (there are splashes of laughter along the way, don't worry).

The movie is a tough one. I still recommend it. It's real.

Real like I just spilled hot water all over me at Whole Foods as I type this because my hands turned to icicles and I was using the cup to keep warm because it appears the store turned on their air conditioning (hello, winter!).

Real like I have no idea how to move many of the items in my apartment as tomorrow they are going to tear up and replace the carpet, and they typically do this when you are moving out but since I have been there since the beginning of time, I'm just going to pray that the movers are very, very nice and know how to play the game Tetris. I tried, I did.

Real like I need a full time job. Yesterday. You know the drill if you've ever been through the mill with jobs in a field that essentially cannot stay stable for more than a year, once, twice, maybe three times. Okay, I'm done. I'm enjoying the rest, while being a good little job searching person. But, it's mental health. There are times I want to run away from it and/or get off the grid for awhile, but I need to work. And then I'm reminded that people matter. Drat!

I'm blessed for in-between times. For little gaps that give me sanity. And for the opportunity to refresh at a time of year I love so much.

I sort of skipped thanksgiving on here.  

It was half-intentional. Not because it had anything to do with thanksgiving. Just timing. Wanting to get off the grid. Rest awhile. Perhaps go someplace different since half the time lately I'm in an airport. This time I secretly hoped I had gotten on the wrong plane not because I didn't want to come back home but because I was finally excited for a new adventure. Finally ready.
I wrote about adventures in October and I'm really glad I did. I need to do things even when I don't feel like doing them, necessarily. Like thanks and giving.

It helps prepare me for when I'm ready for it on a soul level, not just mechanically or because adventure tends to be my nature. But true to the core, ready for change, ready for the tides to turn, and ready to embrace joy. Not just choose joy, embrace joy (I think there's a difference, even though choosing joy can be good, too).

Does that ever happen to you? Taking some time away is renewing. Refreshing. Helps you sort through yourself and all the barriers you create for yourself. I like time away every so often. I'm still living out this time away. Writing this blog post has been a challenge.

But...I'm constantly on the prowl for joy. Real joy. Embracing joy. It's always the way, way back.

I've wanted to write about my joy story for a long, long time. There's not enough time for all that now (I'm still so cold...). But I know what it feels like for joy to leave you. Something happens on a deep, deep level when you lose joy, when you let something steal your joy, when you forget who you are, for a time, and for some people, for a lifetime. It's one of the saddest things. If that's where you are, my heart breaks for you. You're not alone and joy can once again return.  People write a lot about the difference between happiness and joy, and I think that's good. Good to remember you can have this sorrow in a joy-filled life, or experience sadness, or grief. I've stepped into that many a time. And joy still covers it. But joy still hopes. Joy can laugh. Joy knows that this is temporary.

Joy is so complicated. That's why Jeremiah 31:3-5 is my hope verse for joy. I literally saw God transform my sorrow turned to hopelessness, my belief that pain could win into joy that began by believing this as I read it.

that he has LOVED me with an EVERLASTING love

he DRAWS me with his unfailing kindness

he will build me up...he will rebuild me.

again I will dance with the joyful.

Pick up your timbrels. Dance with the joyful. Choose joy, yes. But remember joy has chosen you and embrace it.

linking with shelovesmagazine for their joy link up!
see what others are up to there.
I'd love to hear your own joy story.

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