I grab my phone while lying in bed and read the Five Minute Friday prompt for the day: Broken. My first impulse is to turn right back over. Haven't I written about this one enough? Yes, enough, I think. No one wants to hear any more of what I have to say about this topic.
But then I do what I do as I start most days: listen to music. The prompt is almost out of sight. Almost.
I play some Andrew Peterson, singer/songwriter I've enjoyed for awhile. I'm intrigued to go to his site and see if he's working on anything new.
So I see his blog right away; blogs by musicians are always interesting; you get a peek into their real lives. Because, what, they are human too, with frailties and flaws and not just amazing at singing and playing? Who knew?!
Read this post by Andrew Peterson if you get a minute, please and thank you and I hope it speaks to you and encourages you like it did me.
You see, it often takes being broken for me to reach down and see the real truths about myself, about who I really am, to see what God sees, and to know that I am both beloved and far worse off than I imagine.
Andrew talks about his experience at the doctor.
Through the years, the doctor has been a mixed bag for me, both a place of comfort (sometimes) and a place of anguish, because it's there that I have learned that things are not quite right, that my health over the years has been far more complicated than it seemed to need to be for someone my age, and there was no 'quick fix.' Often, in some cases, there was no 'fix' at all. No medication to cure it, no treatment that would make pain go away permanently, there was simply no solution other than 'symptom management.'
I hate symptom management. There are definitely pros to helping people in that process. To managing pain, to managing and alleviating symptoms and for working on prevention. I'm a fan of helping people who are suffering. This is my job. But, I'm also into healing. I acknowledge that conventional 'anything' doesn't always work, and any kind of medicine or science does not have all the answers. Doctors have thrown around the word 'enigma' several times in my life, and told me point blank, 'there's just no medical explanation for it.'
Sigh. You don't stop living; life was for the most part, extremely functional. But, I'd hate for that to be the word to describe any of my kids' lives when it came to their health: functional.
I'll admit though, for years I thought I was tough because I learned how to 'master' this kind of living. I was the best at survival mode, and I worked myself out of anything that resembled straight up illness because I was convinced I didn't have time for that anymore! I did my time with doctors, I spent a lot of effort and dedication to working on stuff, and I essentially went cold turkey. Except for maintenance visits at the chiropractor, basically. I went to see doctors if I absolutely had to, but that was it. I had about one doctor/friend I enjoyed seeing, but it was too hard to keep up.
Somehow, life and changes and opportunities God put in my path, and the broken gave way to HEALING, in different ways.
You know how Jesus talks about how it's not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick? (Math 9:12)
Yeah, it's true. But, unfortunately (or fortunately, for us), we are all sick. And our Physician does not just relieve symptoms. He is the remedy.
You absolutely can't hide much from your doctor, or you are just going to get worse. You absolutely (if you're me) have to have no shame when you ask them a gamillion questions over the course of years about why are we doing it this way and where are we going with this and what path or direction looks best.
Perhaps, that is how I am with Jesus, too. I cannot hide from Him. He is patient with me when I am not patient, and I have so many questions about the process and where we are going and why is it going this way.
I have learned and am learning I have to be okay in the times that life calls for me to fall down, when bodies or hearts that hurt show me I can't do this thing myself. Dependence. Is. Hard.
Patience, grasshopper. . . If you're in that stage. Know what's broken will always be made whole again, and that is worth celebrating, grasshopper.
Linking up with Lisa-Jo and others today.