Thursday, October 25, 2012

31 Days of Inviting the Uninvited: Hope

I remember one time a few years ago, I was having one of the worst headaches of my life. I'm not sure the timeline exactly but it was a bad round for me, and I knew at this point I couldn't mess with it anymore. I'd had some bad migraines that pulled me down to a low point, and this time I felt like I needed to do something quickly.

For me, there's usually a small window of time when I've had my worst migraines before I just can't go anywhere, it wouldn't be safe to drive because I'm feeling so lousy, etc. I knew I was about to that point, but I had to get to the Dr. who was still about 30 minutes away. So, as I sometimes do, I had to make up my mind quickly. I don't think there was anyone around at the time and so I just started driving, praying the whole time to sense God's closeness and to make it there without everything getting worse. Sometimes I still have the visual in my mind of that experience, the whole thing. Going there, getting shots in my head for the pain and migraine that surprisingly didn't freak me out. The whole experience was bizarre because up until that point I was really careful and concerned. But sometimes, you come to a point of surrender and where you just have to trust. 

God does not abandon us in our time of need. He is there in the darkest hour.
We can rejoice because the Lord is near (Philippians 4).

Somehow, during my darkest and deepest pain, my prayers started to change. I wanted healing, but I began to see healing meant a lot more than just my body becoming something more than what it was then. I came to see every cry to God did not have to be prayer for physical healing. I began to just see that being close to Him was what mattered.

I don't make light of pain; it warrants more than a breezy response, pat answer or a verse or two to get at the complexity of what people experience. But, then and now I still cling to knowing that God does have a plan and it's good. It helps me to remember. Even if I once thought it would be hard to remember the pain because I never thought it would end, His faithfulness and me looking back now reminds me that there was an end to those moments.

God is bigger than the suffering we go through, even when it feels like it has no end. What can take our eyes off the moment is an understanding and promise that God is working it for good. He sees the outcome, the end, the plan, even when we can't.

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