Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Humor for the days we need it (and get on our own nerves) and this might be the end {finishing something}

So, I wrote a nice long post attempting to tie up this month and say a bunch of 'finishing' things and how it makes sense that I only wrote for maybe ten out of the 31 days because of all sorts of things going on, but really, my excuses are lame.

Instead of writing I do things like prepare for trips and go to my neighbor's house and I can't even think what I did the past couple days that kept me from writing.

Sometimes if you focus on a thing long enough you psych yourself out. I think some little kids do this with school and tests. I think that may have been why I stopped being a teacher, I couldn't take the pressure they put on themselves. Just kidding, but really, I can't stand all the testing.

All right, back to the point. Psyching yourself out. Telling yourself you've got to do this thing like writing for 31 days on finishing something and then you barely write anything and spread it out over the month so it looks like you wrote a lot (fooled you).

I am wearing a shirt right now in my house that says "don't hate cuz you aint." What does that tell you about how serious I am about finishing this series?!

I don't even take myself seriously when I wear this shirt.

I found it after it had been buried in the laundry for several months. But it's one of my favorite t-shirts. I think it would be a good conversation starter. Maybe something to spur a Halloween costume if I cared about Halloween costumes. I can never think of anything interesting -- it's a thing. My friend and I usually go in on a theme together, just because it's fun that way. One year we played each other as character's, I wore her clothes, she wore mine (no we are not in middle school). Apparently, I have no distinct dress because no one thought she was even dressing up. I on the other hand looked all Bohemian and such with my look.


Friends, it's really easy for me to sit here and talk about things like Halloween costumes and what else is going on in my head, but who knows if that is at all interesting to you. I had a lot of serious things I wanted to write about but I decided to skip it for the moment (I'll send you the cliff notes).

So much of my life is serious. Job is often serious. Relationships can make me serious. I realize that writing is a space I find where the first 30 minutes of what I write -- and maybe don't feel like publishing -- is oober serious. Then, once I scratch the surface, beyond that point lies some humor or fun I've been missing. I wonder if that's backwards from how it is for other people. Maybe because I'm used to the seriousness of life from work or whatever, it comes out more easily, and I have to wait a little, wait a little more, and yes. There it is. The humor. That's what I've been looking to find.

I like to see where there's possibility and I'm more prone to seeing the good because I've understood the hurt and the pain. Maybe that's backwards. But I am SURE there must be good just around the bend. There has to be. It's not Pollyanna living, but I want to see the hopeful elements of life. The fact that if things are hard or things are bright, there is hope.

Humor helps me do that. It helps me look at the realities of life which are pushing their way to the surface, and say, despite the fact that you didn't write much this month and life is hectic and you're leaving tomorrow and yep, this series is STILL unfinished, like most everything else, it's okay. That probably drives your readers nuts and also you sometimes, but that's what's real. There's just no way to make it sound better.

I get tired of trying to make things that just aren't sound better.

I visited with one of my close friends in North Carolina today who has had an illness this year and it's not through yet even though we believe it will be soon. We can't make it sound better than it is.

There are things that are unfinished that do sound better.

I get to go to a conference tomorrow in the Windy City and instead of sleeping or finishing packing now I am writing this to at least somewhat finish this series.


Things are always unfinished with my plans and what I 'think' is going to happen but this conference, a little bitty dream I had a few years ago that is coming true is a reminder that things have their own timetable and God always knows.

When life moves quickly, and I think 31 days will help me finish something once and for all, I'm probably kidding myself. The best I can do is lay out what I have to give and receive what others have to offer. To remember this journey is a good one and perhaps the gifts God gave us, the ones I so often take for granted are the best things going right now. My friends who never give up on me, somehow. Family who does the same. Great coworkers and a job full of kids to care about. Laughter and funny shirts and skits about Halloween (this is too wonderful; you are welcome).



I might get on my own nerves just a little but perhaps God writes my story in an unfinished way because He knows if things were entirely neat and finished and sorted, I wouldn't have reason to trust Him.

I DO need to keep writing and this month has gotten me more in gear for that, praise the Lord.


But these other things, they take time. See you next year? :)

Check out all -- I know there's so many -- posts from this year over here.
Thanks for the love, friends. You're the best.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Sweet October {finishing something}

My favorite October was the one when I lived in Switzerland student teaching in the months before I graduated college with some girls who would become treasured friends and a Peruvian apartment that made us feel grown up and partially confused about Swiss life. We were Americans in a Swiss German village in an apartment with South American d├ęcor.

It was no surprise we messed up the serious order imposed by our Swiss neighbors on laundry schedules and lost a few Tupperware items during our stay, which did not make us good tenants, although we cleaned that place better than any place I've lived in since.

Switzerland is no joke when it comes to the word clean. The streets are clean. The trains are clean. I bet even the dogs who ate at the restaurants were clean.

I miss that October. I think about it every now and again, for a lot of reasons. I wonder if I would have the closeness with friends from that trip if not for, well, the closeness you have when you live with a friend overseas. Three months even in the most beautiful country in the world can seem like an eternity if you don't get along with the people you're with, because they are the.only.people.you're.with.ever. It's probably the closest thing to being married. I wouldn't know because I'm not married, but when we came away from the trip we laughed about the closeness of it all. That's really the only right word for it. 

 
one of my swiss friends, mandy, when our other friend abby got married

If this has ever happened to you, you know that in the moment-by-moments, the people you are with are the only people you can rely on, when say you get locked IN a school at nighttime (that happened to me, yes) or you get lost, or take turns keeping your eyes open so you don't miss your stop and end up in another town -- or worse -- country. Or when you miss a flight and do end up in another country. And of course there's that thing about not knowing any of the languages. Maybe when you went overseas you were smart and learned a language. 

I blame the fact that we went to a country with four languages.

Then there's different food and different everything even if it is only Europe. Because you're 21 or 22 years old and you've never been anywhere.

All of us and all of life is a blend of this unique diversity.

That trip was the beginning of the end for me because from then on I've always been pulled toward different cultures and people. Maybe not only because of that trip, but it started the fire.

In my little third grade class, there was something like 18 different cultures and peoples represented.

It's funny, because almost all my jobs since have given me an up-close glimpse into different cultures, where I almost feel a part, and where I am the minority.

It's hard for me to move on from an intense time with people I've come to love. We are each a blend of the collection of people who have shown us what it is to live a full life, to remember our way is not the only way. It's helpful every once in awhile to pay tribute to them.

When I get to the end of a season, when another 'October' gets ready to make its passage, I wonder if there's a way to avoid putting a period there. I hate moving on from things I fear I will soon forget.

There are so many details I can't recall from Octobers long ago. But they are still there.

Just like that Peruvian apartment, there are things we own for awhile, but they are not ours to keep for good.

October always helps me remember there are seasons to hold on and times to let go, that we don't have to fear the dreaded period and it's okay to say something is finished 'for now' and maybe that's good enough for today.

 
What's been one of your most favorite adventures? Why was it so special?

Messes and dares {Finishing Something}

"It's a really old city...stuck between the dead and the living."



"You said, remember that life is not meant to be wasted."

Sometimes I feel stuck between the dead and the living. My creative soul all dried up.

That song by Sara Bareilles always moves me for some reason.

"my earth is somebody's ceiling"

I am made alive, today, for a purpose?

Today with it's strange uncertainty?

We don't get a do-over with how we choose to live.

You'd think I would be able to be more daring knowing this, but instead I often pull back.

You'd think I'd be a hope-seeker all the times, but there are plenty of moments my world shrinks and I can only see what lies right in front of me.

You'd think I'd choose the loving stance even if it wasn't easy or didn't go well for me.

I come up short, though.

I'm glad life isn't a paint-by-number drawing, because by my count, I'm way off on number 25 of 31 so far.

I choose to count what I have and recognize what I am doing here, rather than play a numbers game.

It doesn't mean I don't need to keep going. I just told a friend tonight that my writing feels 'stale' right now, but that's a perfect time for a challenge, isn't it?

And by perfect, I mean, remember this, a lovely reminder by Anne Lamott in Bird by Bird:

"Your day's work might turn out to have been a mess. So what?..

"Messes are the artist's true friend. What people (inadvertently, I'm sure) forgot to
mention when we were children was that we need to make messes in order to find out who we are and why we are here -- and by extension, what we're supposed to be writing."

linking for five minute friday and 31 (minus several) days.

Monday, October 20, 2014

The art in waiting {finishing something}

Today there was a beautiful sunset on my drive home.



(This is not the same sunset. I added it for visual effect. I didn't take a picture of today's sunset. See below.

I barely saw it though.

Looking back, the sky was lit up with color everywhere, pink hues and clouds that looked like colored pencil drawings.

It was easy to miss.

The act of seeing requires work.


My mind drifted in and out of thoughts from the flutter of activities during the day- to -do I have time to stop at the mall' -to- the mall is my least favorite place of all- to -I wonder if I should just eat leftovers for dinner- to- why does it get dark so early- to- I keep forgetting to buy baby gifts for every single friend who has had a baby this month!

It's no wonder all my creativity feels a bit stale at the moment, even though I decide to pour out what little I have for this 31 -- I mean 21 -- I mean possibly 11 days project.

The sunset comes back to me now and I remember its brightness.

I remember the goal here is NOT what I think it is.

Not the end of the month

finishing a book

making sense of a complicated relationship

reaching some milestone with my blog.

No? I thought these sounded good. Maybe they are in some ways. Maybe we all desire a longing for completing something.

Emily Freeman reminds us that there is a deeper work happening here.

What if the art, what if our hope comes out in the waiting? What if that's when we learn to trust? Learn to shed our skin a little, to accept the things that need to change, crack the surface, and surrender to ourselves, the ways we want to solve and fix and complete.

What if we can't manufacture art, in or around ourselves, anymore than we can manufacture our own safe places?

Emily says that when what we long for is completion, mostly we are looking for a "tangible work you can hold and point to.

"Your souvenir may be a relationship, an education, an investment, a charitable cause," she says.

"As you stare at the stone of the hoped-for souvenir, remember the deeper work happening within you, where your life is hidden with Christ in God."

All these things happen in hidden, mysterious places, but I put limits on God when I believe I can do it better than Him, faster than Him.

Friends, where are you in waiting now?
Where does life look a lot like trying...or striving for completion?

Sunday, October 19, 2014

The enemy of done? {Finishing Something}

"You don't know what the story is about when you're in the middle of it. You think you do, but you don't. You make up all kinds of possible story lines: this is about growing up. Or this is about living without fear. You can guess all you want, but you don't know. All you can do is keep walking." -Shauna Niequist {because every 31 days must have at least one quote from her, of course}

:::

"I want to see the finished product. Right now I'm in the middle and it's a mess." -my friend working on a home improvement project. This may be somewhat paraphrased but I have dibs on her words because she knows I quote all the wise things she says.

:::
 
So, I didn't realize my series on 'finishing something' would turn out to be more about finishing this series than anything else. I keep showing up MIA so finishing this is becoming a feat! Who knew writing for 31 days would be so hard. I guess I'm not surprised, since Octobers seem to be a flux month for me, but every year without fail I think a daily writing challenge will be easy breezy. This year, I'm okay with the fact that a daily writing challenge is not easy breezy.


Thank you, friends, who stand by me in the beautiful mess that is writing and life.

 

I am becoming a big proponent on clapping for things that get done even in the midst of things that don't get done.
 
-I am excited that I am starting to do Morning Pages, even if it's actually more 'Night' Pages for me.
If you are a writer or a creative (we all are somehow!), do you have a way to get the juices flowing? This is a process I used to do a lot more in the past and need to remind myself is important to make space for nowadays, too.
 
-I've been creating writing/blog goals, concrete ways to move forward, because if you aren't moving you are just standing still and will probably get run over by a train (that was me attempting to say one of my favorite quotes off the top of my head, but I messed it up -- here is the real quote).
 
-I have momentum again for the book patiently waiting to become a book, 87 Coffees, where I interview lots of different folk. I get excited when I interview people, because this continues to be the slowest process known to man. Even though I meet interesting people every day and even though the book has been trying to write itself for a long time.
 
Brene Brown says it well when she says, "perfection is the enemy of done."
 
Your turn: Where can you spot good things that are moving you forward right now?

Monday, October 13, 2014

For those who grieve {Finishing Something}

"Life seems to be a story of holding on and letting go, learning which is which and when." -To Write Love on Her Arms



i heard this song
performed by christa wells 
at the barn
and every so often
i play it
and then play it again

because it's so true to life isn't it?


it doesn't matter your job
or your personality
or the strength of your faith
things break
for you
for others
and there are times you lose words
because maybe something is burning

and it should be easy
to pray and
'lay down our plans'
to fix it
but it's not

how do you sit in the burn?

friends, who grieve

"what can i bring to your fire?"

i listen to those words on repeat
it haunts me

i know it's me too
the times the flames have grown
higher
and i've needed someone to
"brave the heat and come close now"

so where do you go
when it breaks?

when even best words start to fail
and you can't hear anyone speak to you

they can't get in
through the door

but

He's not afraid
He can get in to

"come close now"

{maybe this has nothing to do with finishing something
or maybe it has everything to do with it..}

Check in here for what's going on with the rest of the series.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

The welcome home {Finishing Something}

Life is one adventure after another. Tonight was a fun day of golfing -- yes, golfing! Somehow I have never actually hit a golf ball other than putt-putt so this was exciting. It was pretty low key though. We took pictures while we golfed.


 


 I mean, we took it very seriously.
 
 
Speaking of serious, these fruits, called Rambutans, are no joke. They look like bugs to me and taste kind of slimy inside. A customer at whole foods called me brave just for trying those suckers, so that was exciting, but I ended up keeping a couple around my house for show for a few days before I tried them again (still not very good) and wishing it was Halloween already because they were spooky.
 
 
 What else is going on? Well, God, being God, keeps speaking to me through different mediums and for awhile now He's put this song on my mind to remind me of grace.
 


The wonderful Brennan Manning, who wrote Ragamuffin Gospel, one of my favorites, reminded me tonight that we -- ragamuffins -- are never far from grace and "a light in the window"  with "a "welcome home" sign on the door."

I can do well to remember that. That I need the welcome sign.

"It's not the long walk home that will change this heart
But the welcome I receive with every start" - Mumford and Sons


I don't know what this series, this story about finishing, will become. It feels like my stories become more about beginnings than endings. And what I seem to learn along the way is that He is the real author, as much as I want to be. 

Manning says that Jesus "chose to enter your broken world and limp through life with you."

Wouldn't that be like God, as I limp along, to show up each time, with each start, and remind me He's there with me?

I can't do everything. You can't do everything. We are broken people. It does me well to remember I need him, every single day, in writing and in life, when I think I can figure it all out, or can bring everything to the table.

I can bring him all my hopes and desires, all my pride, my flaws and my sin, my distress and the places I hurt, and all the places I limp.

You'd think it would be the long walk home that would change this heart. But maybe it's the welcome I receive with every start.